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So much guilt

December 9th, 2008 at 11:12 pm

I feel guilty right now. I told C. we would come to her game tonight but we didn't go. It was an away basketball game. (she is a cheerleader) It was only 20 minutes away. I should have gone.

But, I didn't want to go by myself. M. is in the middle of an emergency with work and is still in his office. Hasn't even had time to take a shower today.

The main reason for not going?

I feel self-conscious going by myself, sitting by myself. I feel like a troll. Like a fat troll.

So now I am on the verge of tears because C. is by herself and I know she will be hungry and I didn't give her money for a snack. I feel like the world's worst mom right now.

Maybe I should just leave now. Hmmm..

I am way too emotional!

I made 2 casseroles tonight. A regular sized tator tot casserole with hamburg and a small tator tot with crumblers. (vegetarian meat sub) for E.

Gotta work tonight. I have plenty of time to sulk until then...and feel guilty.

Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments »

10 Responses to “So much guilt”

  1. gamecock43 Says:
    December 9th, 2008 at 11:16 pm 1228864586
    1228864586

    yeah- you are too emotional. I bet she is flirting with a guy who just bought her a hot dog right now.

  2. KellyB Says:
    December 9th, 2008 at 11:23 pm 1228865008
    1228865008

    Whenever you have the opportunity to attend a child's sports/activity - GO! Remember it isn't about you, it's for them. And no one will notice or care if you are there - except the CHILD. Especially if you make a promise to a child, make sure to keep it. Years from now, they will not remember who won or lost, or what cheer they did, but they WILL remember if their parents attended.

  3. mom-sense Says:
    December 9th, 2008 at 11:39 pm 1228865987
    1228865987


    Don't beat yourself you too much. Apologize to C. that you didn't show up and tell her you will attend her next game. I totally agree with you about going places alone. I usually have my junior entourage when we watch one child participate in something. Next time bring a good book to read.

  4. whitestripe Says:
    December 9th, 2008 at 11:45 pm 1228866307
    1228866307

    yes i agree. people are so wrapped up in themselves they would not notice you are there by yourself, or that you were there at all.

  5. HouseHopeful Says:
    December 10th, 2008 at 01:48 am 1228873698
    1228873698

    I understand that self conscious feeling that you described. Sorry you're feeling that way. I've been there, so now I'm going to ask the hard question... Did this situation make you want to change the things that caused you to feel that way? I can't promise the answer to how to change things, but the first step is actually being motivated to change them. Good luck!

  6. homebody Says:
    December 10th, 2008 at 02:42 am 1228876970
    1228876970

    As a former cheerleader mom of 10+ years in a row (3 daughers), I don't think missing one game is that big of a deal. Tell her something came up and just go to the next one. However, next time make sure she has food money. She probably borrowed from a friend or the cheerleading coach. Do you know any of the other mom's? We usually sat together. If one that we did not know came to sit with us, we would have welcomed her. Try that next time. And forget the fat troll thing, I'm sure there are plenty of us there watching our kids!

  7. Thrifty Ray Says:
    December 10th, 2008 at 04:07 am 1228882059
    1228882059

    I completely understand the self-consiousness. I missed many opportunities because of it...and then I realized that I was not the center of anyone else's attention. No one cared how I looked, or what I wore...they were there for their kids PERIOD. I also started taking a knitting project to occupy any downtime. I say, do what works for you..but be there whenever you can. I wished Id had my lightbulb moment years earlier! Hugs-

  8. merch Says:
    December 10th, 2008 at 04:19 am 1228882792
    1228882792

    I agree with mom-sense.

    We each have a view of the person we want to be in life and remembered as. This may sound stupid, but I ask my self what would the perfect me do in this situation. And I would do it.

    Sometimes I feel stupid, sometimes self conscious, even embarrassed. But that's what the guy I want to be would do. I know, it sounds corny and all.

  9. Koppur Says:
    December 10th, 2008 at 04:39 am 1228883983
    1228883983

    I'm sure C will understand. You're a great mom, missing one game is OK. Have a good night at wotk and hope you feel better!

  10. Ms. Pearl Says:
    December 10th, 2008 at 04:51 am 1228884701
    1228884701

    Hey all, I ended up going. She didn't need money. I left at halftime of the varsity game. And yes, I did feel like a big troll...I have a lot of social anxiety. For real, I am not joking. This time of year is just all around bad, no light and all. Anyway, it all worked out.

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