I have been suffering from insomnia. Terribly. Despite the Restoril I still have trouble falling asleep and the worst is that I cannot stay asleep. It sucks.

The strange part is that I'm not sure I am actually sleeping. Does that make sense? I woke (?) up at 2am this morning and felt as if I had been awake (?) since 12am when I went to bed. Usually, around the late morning hours...4 or 5 I fall into a sufficient slumber but this is my weekend to work so I have to wake up around 5:45.

During the week I work 11-7am yet I still have trouble staying asleep as I sleep in the day time. It seems I can at best sleep 6 hours in a row many days...although I do have days when the exhaustion finally overhelms my worries and I sleep 10-12 hours.

So what do I worry about? My daughter #1, then money, the mortgage, the future, my husbands health and on and on. My mind is restless.

Despite the fact our finances are in much better shape than one year ago I still exist in anxiety.

I tried to meditate and pray last night and without sounding flaky I had an interesting experience that maybe I will elaborate upon later. But for now I will keep it to myself.

Once again, I have a busy week ahead of me. The girls start cheer practice and we have Dr. appointments...nearly every week we have Dr. appointments.

Well, this has been a bummer of a post but I need to speak.

On a lighter note, I received two certificates from Dish Network (my provider) for 2 free pay per view movies.

M. received his bonus money yesterday...what a relief. It will be nice to see the BIG BAD chase credit card balance be a thing of the PAST!

My weight is still at 133 because though I exercise a lot I eat a lot. But at least I am not gaining. Yesterday I ran 3 miles in 30 minutes and 56 seconds. I am nearly sure I could have gone faster but I walked for part of that on the incline and once I saw that I was close to 3 miles at minute 25 I kicked it up and was running 7.5 for the last five minutes. This is progress for me! In January I was only able to WALK 1 mile in about 25 minutes.

I have to admit, I love running. Anywhere too, it is such a great way to release tension. Yesterday I was running sprints at 9.0-10.0 and I felt like it wasn't fast enough. Very good for the soul...at least mine.

M. is also on vacation the next two weeks as his brother is in from Nebraska and his sister will be coming up from Georgia next week. We have our nephew staying at out house this week.

The house is fairly immaculate...per our standards, though perhaps not for others. We were going to buy the blinds and curtains for the kitchen but we have decided to delay that til august or september because we have been spending a lot lately...going swimming, eating out. I know, not good but at least we use cash I guess.

I finished the Twilight series in 4 days. I need to watch the movie. My daughters tell me it's not that great, hmm. We'll see. I am currently reading "eat, pray, love" by Elizabeth Gibson. This is a book to digest slowly unlike the Twilight saga so I am taking my time reading it, so far it's pretty good.

OH!

Yes, I have been spending too much on books lately.

Nope, no entry title.

I have been reading voraciously, all kinds of novels. Once I begin a book I feel like a drug addict must, each page pregnant with potent intentions, driving me to continue inhaling the words, to feel the climax and resolution. Strangely provocative sentence I guess.

Spent ten bucks at Walmart for the latest one.

I know, I know, the library is free. But me, the inherently disorganized spirit will forget to return them or worse yet, lose them.

M. is in New York until Wednesday night and I miss him. The girls and I did not follow our menu plan today. Instead of veggie tortillas we indulged in the Digiorno pizza typically reserved for Fridays. I confessed this sin to M. on the phone but he didn't seem too terribly agitated. Though I am sure he will think about it now and then...as he boards the plane, drives home, opens the freezer and sees his Red Baron without it's ever present partner, Ms. Four Cheese Digiorno.

Sigh.

C. went to an Indians game last night and I could see her on the television each time there was a right handed batter. It was very odd. She went with a friend who has access to these seats via his rich boss. Her friend is only 15 and a half but he gets paid nine dollars an hour under the table to do work I am sure violates most child labor laws. But anyway...

M. will not be very pleased with my spending in his brief absence. Bought a smelly candle, a magazine, a book, 3 liters of pop, orange soda in cans, chocolate bars and two bags of cheetos. yikes.