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Home > Why does everyone need to like me?

Why does everyone need to like me?

December 6th, 2008 at 06:12 am

Yesterday I had to be the "boss." I had to confront an employee who has been having job performance "issues." Not pleasant because I abhor playing the supervisor even though, technically, that is what I am.

Problem is, I would prefer everyone "like me." When I know someone is irritated with me I cannot stand it! But why?

This presents a major conflict with my job position. Working nights, I also have my own ward along with being building supervisor. We keep everything pretty low key but occassionally things come up that I have to address and I can hardly do it. I have no idea how to fix this. I don't want people to walk all over me yet I don't want to be the type of supervisor everyone dreads.

I just want to be liked. How is this money related? Well, I think this tendency bleeds into other aspects of my life. Like my children. I want them to be liked too. Hence the clothing and the grades and the sports. etc... I want them to always do the right thing so people will like them too.

Is this some kind of genetic defeciency? My grandmother is the same way but at the same time my mom is practically a hermit who could care less what people think of her. Maybe I am reacting to the way my mom raised me.

Maybe I need a counselor.

I just know yesterday was awful. Did I mention I also hate confrontation? Burying my head in the sand and pretending conflict and tension don't exist has always been another tendency of mine. This has exacerbated the horrid state of my finances. I used to be terrified to look at my credit card statements AND get my mail. So you know what I did? Nothing. I didn't get my mail and I didn't look at my statements until the mailbox door wouldn't shut and the phone kept ringing from bill collectors.

I have to get over this notion that life is like a happy cartoon. It's not. This is my dilemma I need to CONFRONT.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings.

Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments »

7 Responses to “Why does everyone need to like me?”

  1. Analise Says:
    December 6th, 2008 at 06:45 am 1228545930
    1228545930

    Speaking from the perspective of someone who used to supervise as many as 85 employees (before retiring), it is essential to grow a thick skin and not take it personally when people are unhappy with something you've addressed or decided. As a supervisor, get used to the idea that you will not be liked by all people at all times. But, you must strive to be respected for being fair, forthright, professional, and consistent. Do not take it personally, but rather think of it as something that comes with the territory when you become a leader.

  2. North Georgia Gal Says:
    December 6th, 2008 at 02:49 pm 1228574992
    1228574992

    I am in the same position. I hate to confront people. But I have watched many successful managers and realize that it is possible to be questioning and correcting without being hateful or mean. But if you are hesitant when you do it, they will know and continue to walk over you. You have to be confident and know that you are right!

  3. Koppur Says:
    December 6th, 2008 at 03:46 pm 1228578378
    1228578378

    I used to be afriad to do things by myself: go to the mall or the store, eat alone, etc because I was terrified of what people were thinking about me and juding me. Then I realized most people are too self-absorbed to notice me. However, being a boss they will form opinions of you. Just remember that people in general will like you, but some people have a grudge against a supervisor whether it is warranted or not. Remember though, we love you here!

  4. homebody Says:
    December 6th, 2008 at 04:24 pm 1228580692
    1228580692

    Because you are the supervisor, you are looked at a certain way. The most important thing is to treat everyone the same, rules apply to everyone equally and they will respect you.

    Having just re-entered the work force, I had forgotten all the crap that goes along with working in an office of women. I HATE it.

  5. Ms. Pearl Says:
    December 6th, 2008 at 04:57 pm 1228582630
    1228582630

    thanks for your comments guys! Much good advice!

  6. fern Says:
    December 6th, 2008 at 08:29 pm 1228595387
    1228595387

    I'm exactly the same way. I never know where the middle balance is between being a hard-ass and being a softie and i worry way too much about what people think of me.

    Well, just do what you need to do and try not to dwell on it. Chances are, you're thinking about it way more than they are.

  7. whitestripe Says:
    December 6th, 2008 at 10:22 pm 1228602149
    1228602149

    i was the same until i got into a position where i have to train people to do my job. i realised that i would much rather be a hardass at the start so that people learn how to do their job properly, than to be a 'softie that everyone likes' and be constantly cleaning up after people and re-doing their job. if you are nice all the time but step up to the plate when you need to, people will understand it's part of your job and that's what you are doing.
    sometimes even if it's uncomfortable you just have to do it. i have one girl at the moment who is very lazy. she will spend hours on a small job just so she can stand in one spot and do something slowly. she will also sit ON THE FLOOR and mix something in a bowl (i work in a kitchen). as much as i do honeslty want her to like me, when something like that happens you have to put the job before what your work colleague thinks of you, especially if they are doing the wrong thing.

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